34 and counting

"I didn't really know if I would make it to my 34th birthday and there were certainly days that I wish that I wouldn't. Today as I reflect on what this year has held for me and my family I am in awe. This has been the hardest year of my life. My heart has been ripped and stretched in ways that I didn't think were possible. I thought for sure I would die from heartache and yet here I am. I made it. By God's grace and His hand working through people like you I am not just standing but I am growing. I sense His moving and leading. I feel Him giving life to these weary bones. I am experiencing healing. Don't get me wrong. I am still a huge mess but for the first time in a long time I learning to dance again. It's an awkward dance. It feels strange. It stirs things up but it feels nice.

My family doesn't look the way that I thought it would look this time last year. I am still processing the absence of my little fellas. I still wonder if they would look like Elliott. Would they smile and giggle at me like Charli does? Would they all still share a bed? I still wonder a lot. My mind never stops processing. My heart has not forgotten.

Our children are healing too. They have so much joy and delight. It is contagious. We have a had a lot of laughter lately. Our children bring rich healing. They adore Charli. They miss the boys. Lincoln and Tucker are not forgotten here. We will continue to fight for their place in our hearts and home.

As I glance at pictures and share kisses with my children I know I am a blessed woman. My life may not look the way I thought it would but in some ways it looks better. I have been shaken in ways that have left me different. I have had to trust the Lord in new ways. I have had to see Him differently. I rather enjoyed my "Santa" version of the Lord. He did not. He is teaching and I am fumbling. Just when I think I can't take another step He helps me along. I like Charli need a lot of assistance just to make it from one moment to the next. Without the Lord's intervention I am without hope. I am thankful that He chooses to rescue me.....all the time.

If I were more computer savvy I would post a video of our Charli girl, also affectionately called "Panda" by her Daddy. Maybe someday? Today, I am just thankful that Lea is willing to continue to update the blog so I can share some recent photos of the kids.

I don't know how to thank you all for all that you have done. I just don't. I'm sorry. Please know my heart is flooded with thankfulness to all of you.

We hope to send out Christmas cards to all of those who have been journeying with us. If you would enjoy having one please send your address and we'll try our best to make sure you get one. I don't want anyone to feel overlooked. I am sure by accident this may happen. Please show grace and feel free to speak up. We really do want to include everyone that would want one.

So........Happy Birthday to me....and thank you for allowing the Lord to use you so that this day could be a reality.

Much love,
Kelly"

Missing....

"Missing my fellas.
We still grieve the loss of our boys. Life has been so crazy and rushed that processing is slow and will continue to take place for the rest of our lives. As I looked back at pictures this morning my heart aches. Most times the only words I can utter for them is "I'm sorry!" That is all I know to say. How do you say goodbye to your children? How do you help your children grieve the loss of their siblings? I don't know. But, much like the rest of my life I am fumbling through. It is hard. I feel the ache as I remember. My heart breaks as I see pictures and think about someday sharing this story with Charli. I mourn as I think about continuing my days not being able to parent my boys wishing that Elliott would be able to play with them. How did I get here? I know the pain will never go away. It may change. It may lessen. But the pain and loss are permanent.

We talk about our boys a lot in our home. I pray that this never changes. Eloise is always quick to share with the world that I have had triplets. She tells very matter-of-factly that two of them died. This is not always easy for me but I have to let her process in her own way. A few weeks ago she told me that she was going to ask Santa for her brothers for Christmas. I smiled as I tried not to cry my eyes out while driving. She is always thinking. My kids continue to think, remember and grieve. They miss their brothers. I am sad for this and yet I am thankful. I too wish it were that easy. Wouldn't it be great if I could just ask Santa and he would give us our boys back? Life is not simple and I am not going to have the gift of raising my sons.

I do have joy. I am thankful that I can have peace knowing that my boys are not suffering like I am. I can rest knowing they don't struggle. I have hope that one day I will join them. One of the many lessons I have learned during this season is that it is not easy being an alien and most days I hate it. I too am ready for my real home where striving will cease and there is no sickness or pain. A place where my broken heart will be mended and I too will be made whole. I so need Jesus. I need His love and care. I desire to be near to Him.

I have enclosed some pictures of my sweet boys. They are hard for me to look at and so I am guessing they will be hard for you as well. I think they are important as we all continue to process this story. They don't just have a name. They have a face and an important place in my heart. To know me is to know them and to not just see me but to see them too. I love them. They are precious. I hope these pictures also bring joy as we remember their wholeness and healing.

The black and white one is of Lincoln. He was stillborn. The other is a picture of Baby Tuck at his baptism just before he went to be with the Lord. I cherish the time I had with both my boys...in my womb and on earth.

The paintings were done by the girls. Emmiline did the one with the heart in the middle. She shared that it was of the two boys with Jesus and that the cross in the middle represented Jesus in our hearts. Eloise's picture showed the boys with Charli. The boys have gone to be with Jesus but Charli is here with us. I am thankful that the girls remember. I am thankful that they speak of their brothers often. I am thankful for the way they think and process. I know the Lord is using them to bring healing to all of us.

They will not be forgotten.

It has always been my biggest prayer that no matter what happened the Lord would use this story to bring people to Himself. I still pray this. I am hoping that even as you read this you might pray the same thing....maybe for others....maybe for yourself. Of this I am certain, life is so much harder than I would have ever dreamed. Life without Jesus is even harder. Without Christ there is no hope, no peace, no joy, no future, no love, no reason to live.

I am a bruised reed. I am thankful that the Lord has promised in His word that a bruised reed will not be broken. I am clinging to those words as I claw my way through each day.

My heart is spilling out of my eyes in abundance as I write these words. Listening to my children giggle as sweet Lori Cochran teaches them about planets. So ready for the Lord to return. So ready for so many things.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Not sure what God wants to do with us but just praying He will do something.

Much love,
Kelly"

sharing "new normal"

As Summer gives way to Autumn THANK YOU for continuing to pray for the entire Vaughan family! Here are words from Kelly:


"This post is long overdue but Adam and I have literally been gasping for breath as we continue to parent our preemie and three other children. The Lord has shown in abundance just how much He desires for us to FULLY rely on HIM. He continues to allow us to struggle and wrestle...mostly with the realization of how wicked our hearts are. Totally not trying to be a "Debbie-downer" but having Charli home has been really hard. Don't get me wrong we are so blessed by her homecoming and she is the most delightful little monkey on the planet but feeding her and wrestling with my fears as she struggles is enough to keep me on my knees with many tears. How have my other 3 children survived my craziness? Grace...that is all I can come up with. I am more thankful for grace than ever before. So thankful that it abounds more as my sin abounds. God is pruning us and it is so very painful. We are trying to get settled... whatever that means. If you are anything like me you are wondering "when are things going to be normal with the Vaughan's?" I am afraid that this might be the "new normal." Extreme awareness of neediness is no fun. The fact that it's not going away is painfully annoying. I think my core problem is that I am a woman that is afraid. I so want a heart that rests and maybe that is a gift that will come out of this someday. I am holding on to the hope that I am becoming more like Christ even as I totally stink at my daily living. Please keep us in your prayers. Please pray for supernatural energy and eyes to see that even though this season is beyond hard it is just a season that will be gone as quickly as it came. I so want to be present. I want to have joy in these moments. I want to have peace and I so want the nearness of my Savior to be all that I need...all that I want.

Many thanks and much love to all of you for your continued support of our family. May the Lord bless you for your kindness and faithfulness.

Kelly"

home.

A blessed Sabbath to you.
Words of gratitude from Kelly.

"We are still still happily adjusting to Charli being home. She is a delightful baby and requires little. She has a sweet personality. Feeds are getting better for all of us but can still be tricky at times. Those times make things feel pretty hard and show both Adam and I how torn up we still are. We are learning. We are growing. We are angry at times and we are thankful.

Her brothers and sisters can't get enough of her and it fills my heart to see the love they have for their small little sister. I am taking many snapshots in my head of sweet moments.

I can't thank you all enough for your continued prayers and support. We still rely on those prayers. As I was reminded the other day...we are not finished with this race and we are very tired. I know these are all just seasons but winter lasted a very very very very long time and our new spring growth has come at a time when we are already spent and weathered. Please pray that we would have patience and strength to enjoy the now. We also desire wisdom and nearness from the Lord. We so need Him to be present every second. I feel like a spiritual infant that always needs supervision, attention, nourishment and care. I am confident that growth is taking place even though some days it feel so so so slow.

We love you all and look forward to sharing many more photos of Charli's growth."

REAL.

Words of REAL LOVE FOR REAL LIFE from Kelly:

Charli has been home now for almost 48 hours. I must be honest. Yesterday was very very rough. I have learned and am continuing to learn that sometimes the way I envision what will happen in my life is a little too dreamy. Our first full day together is no exception to that. In my mind I pictured smiles all around, a perfect newborn, laughter, picture taking, sweet feeding times, giggles, good food, and a ton of awe and wonder. A day to be still as a family and enjoy. That is not what yesterday looked like. It chaos, tears, anger, frustration, sadness, fear, and doubt. Yes, I know I have issues. I am learning everyday just how much I need help. We had 3 different therapists in our home for home health. I was attempting to teach school to my sweet girls who were far too interested in our new addition to focus. Trying to keep Elliott occupied while trying to feed a baby that won't eat and keeps puking on me and pump every few hours. Not to mention the meds.....oh the meds. Stressed out was trumped the first few minutes of the day as I immediately noticed that I AM NOT GOOD AT THIS...I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING UNDER CONTROL...I AM LOST...AND I NEED THE LORD TO HELP ME. Seriously, I saw more of my sinful heart than I have ever seen or ever wish to see again. I know I am tired and this has been a rough road but the honest truth is that I have a heart that is out of control and I constantly need the Lord to guide me. 33 years of life on this planet most of them spent having the Holy Spirit's guidance and still trying to buck the system. How do I still have so much to learn. How is my heart still this screwed up. Really???? That's about all I can say. That and I need Thee every second. So, just in case you too were thinking we had this dreamy home coming where everything just fell into it's place. Please receive the truth and remember to pray. We are still a mess and we need the Lord more today than yesterday and overall, I am know it sounds crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I want to need HIM more than I want control.

We have had many precious moments as a family. The kids are more than in love with Charli. Elliott's new goal in life is to kiss her to death. The girls can't get enough and are constantly washing up so they can hold her. We are all learning about Charli. She seems super content when we aren't battling feeds. We did figure out one problem with her feeds and now things are going better. Praise God! I am aware that we are having to learn how to do life a new way and just when we get settled things will change. How I hate change. It makes me afraid.

Charli is beautiful and I am starting to see how she looks like the rest of the bunch. She loves her brother and sisters. She loves dressing up and loves making sounds with her bottom, a trick she learned from her family.

The adjustment will be slow. I am thankful for all the help. It is much needed. Maybe now more than ever.

Our entire family continues to process what it means to have Charli home. The biggest struggle is not having her brothers here too. We have done much weeping over this issue and it is NOT forgotten. I hope to have more on this in a future blog. Today I have to take it one step at a time.

Just wanted to check in with all of you so you might know what is going on over here. Not quite the Disney World experience but it is mine nonetheless. I am crazy. I am scared. I am in love. I am needy. I am me and I am learning to be ok with that.

Enjoy the family pics.

The one with my brother and the scary stuffed animal is extra special. My brother was a preemie and this was his very special stuffed animal. My brother and I both have memories of this strange critter and he brought it as a sweet gift to Charli. No doubt, they will have a special bond.

HOMECOMING! MIRACLES HAPPEN!

Since April I have been adding words to this blog as a way of crying out to God that He would bring healing and LIGHT and LIFE and miracles to Charli and her whole family! I cannot describe the emotion and JOY I feel to read these words that her mommy has written about her HOMECOMING!!! Thank you for reminding me that God wants HIS WORKS to be known and declared - through our mouths, through technology, through the heavens, and through warrior princesses like Charli Vaughan!

Here are Kelly's words on this Sabbath:

After much waiting and many many ups and downs it looks as though we will be bringing our princess home tomorrow. We have been waiting to complete all of our hospital training and tasks and if things go well tonight we will be able to go and snatch her up.

My heart is filled with so many different emotions. Of course, I am so very overwhelmed with joy. This has been a hope that has been deferred much longer than I would've liked. I am also terrified. Bringing a sick preemie home is trickier than it looks. She will be on a monitor when she rests and have oxygen on stand bye if she needs it especially during her feeds. And the medicine..... does that girl have a lot of meds. So much to learn for this slow brain. Again, the Lord is calling us to learn a new path. One that is unfamiliar and one that requires total dependence on Him. I am seeing a strong trend in my walk with the Lord lately. He desires for me to be totally needy all the time. He wants me to be ok with not being able to figure things out. I hate this. I so want to be able to organize and manage my life. God is not interested in my ability to manage. He continues to call me towards a life of WILD ABANDONMENT. So scary.

These past few weeks have been very important in my spiritual life. I hope everyone knows that this season has not been one of total reliance and confidence on the Lord. It has been one of great questioning, fear, sadness and anger. The Lord has allowed me to wrestle with Him and He has allowed me to express my heart. Many of you know that we have prayed many prayers over over children this past year. The Lord did not give me the desires of my heart regarding many of those prayers. When Charli was making good progress and past her due date she was still REALLY struggling with her feeds. I think everyone was motioning towards the G-tube. It would allow her to be fed through her belly instead of by mouth. This is something they do often but it was something I did not want for her. It would require surgery that would require her to be put back on oxygen and back on the vent for awhile. This would mean we would be taking a big step backwards. Not to mention we would be out another 7-10 days while she recovered. I immediately went on a mission. I began asking the Lord to work a miracle. I knew from experience she would never be able to take her feeds if HE didn't do it. I asked you to join me in those prayers. I began feeling very confident that this was something the Lord was going to do. We began seeing progress. It was slow but it was progress. Feeding her is not easy. It is a science and requires a lot of love and patience. During the past couple of weeks we have had more ups and downs with her feeds. I am convinced the Lord wanted to show me as well as everyone else that this is HIS miracle. It's not just that she matured or "it clicked." It not because I am her mommy and she will eat well from me. It is not because we have figured out all the right tricks. No, HE wanted to be sure that we knew it was HIS hand and HIS ALONE. Each day I feed her I am reminded that this is a miracle from the Lord. She can eat from a bottle because He has and is sustaining her. I am so thankful. Honestly, I am more thankful for what this has done in regards to my heart than Charli eating from a bottle. The Lord has loved on me in a special way. He has given me a gift and I want everyone to know that Charli's life is a miracle and so is her ability to eat. To God be the Glory.

We don't have specifics on timing and we still have to get through the night but we are thrilled. We are dreaming along with our children about having our family united under one roof. My heart is full. So many emotions. I wish I could express it all. Please keep praying. Her body is still fragile. Her lungs are still sick and she needs to remain very sheltered.

Here are some pics from today. One is of her in her new monitor belt. The others show her beautiful face free from all tubes. A sight for sore eyes.

My precious sister in law gave me Charli's miracle outfit at my shower. She had no idea that as she was making it The Lord had a very specific miracle in mind. It was one that would bless my heart and strengthen the faith of many...mostly my own weary faith. Miracles do happen. As Eloise reminded me last night many miracles take place that we never know about. She is right. Most of the time my heart is just too hard or too busy to notice. I am thankful the Lord gave me boldness and courage to ask for this miracle as well as the eyes to see it.

with bold prayers and JOY!

Love and boldness from Beautiful Kelly:

Spent the morning with my precious one. Candy told me that she had taken ALL of her last 3 out of 4 bottles. Such great progress. When I was there I was able to give her the full bottle as well. It is still a lot of work and takes a lot of patience but God is moving. I know first hand it is and will only be because HE has worked that she not need the feeding tube surgery. My heart is so amazed at what God is doing and I want to boldly claim his miraculous work in and through Charli. Please continue to join me in this prayer. She has made so much progress but we still have a ways to go.

It looks like we will opt for Charli to come home on the monitor. She had a heart rate drop in the middle of the night. Undetected she could die. Please pray that these episodes totally stop...today.

Here are a few pics from today. One is of her empty bottle...YEA! The other shows her sats at 100%. The final one is our happy girl just waiting to be brought home. Please join me and pray hard.

JOY and STRENGTH tonight from Adam:

Well, we had a good visit with Charli today. God has been so gracious in the way He has enabled her to take her bottle-feeds so much better. It has truly been a miracle. Our nurse was talking about sending Charli home. This is not talk that we're used to hearing. I know you immediately have many questions about when and what has to happen prior to her release...well, we don't have answers as of yet. We are so excited and grateful..., and we're also extremely overwhelmed and nervous. Charli will definitely be on oxygen and a heart monitor. In addition, she'll have quite a few medicines and supplements to take. Seems pretty frightening... at the same time we want her home so badly. The monitor will not tell us how her oxygen is doing. We'll have to determine that by her facial and body cues. They're discuss Home Care where a nurse would come by a few times a week to check Charli (blood pressure, growth, etc.). I'm not sure if they'll end up recommending that or not.

That's it for now. I know... you have many questions. I do too. Excited and nervous... and very grateful.

Last night the update that follows came from Adam. My heart was continuing to ask God to give Charli the stamina and strength and alertness to drink her whole bottle! Today while we were visiting with the Vaughan family they received such an exciting call from Candi, their nurse. She was updating them that Charli had received her 3rd full bottle today! (and she had one last night too). Please keep praying that she will take her full feeding. This is what is now standing between her and getting to go home with her precious family!!! You will see below that the tests that have been done could lead to surgery for Charli. That is why we are asking God to continue to heal her and strengthen her. Thank you for interceding for Charli!

Last night Adam said "as for our appointment with the doctor, nurses and social worker... it was more of a time for us to ask questions. they conducted three days worth of testing on Charli this week. Monday was a 24 hour pH test (acid test). Tuesday was another barium swallow study, and Wednesday was an upper GI exam. The results show that there is definitely reflux, but there's some confusion about the degree of confusion. The tests were also done as a prerequisite to one of the surgeries Charli will possibly need. unless God wills for Charli to start taking all of her bottles, she will need a G-tube (feeding tube) put into her stomach. this would allow us to bring Charli home sooner, and we could feed her through it. another procedure (a little more scary) that is a possibility, but hopefully a little less likely is something called a, "Fundus." That's the shortened version b/c it's too complicated to pronounce (or type). It is a procedure where the surgeon either partially wraps or completely wraps part of Charli's stomach around her esophagus. Actually, it would be tied around her esophagus to significantly reduce the amount of reflux / acid from coming up. She will have to be put back on oxygen obviously. That's another negative. Our doctor warned us that insurance companies start to get more aggressive when a baby is at Charli's gestational age and still in the hospital. The crazy thing is that we had a call from our insurance company as soon as we got home! Anyways, we're hoping and praying that Charli girl will start taking more of that milk on her own. That's our main prayer right now. We'll see how she progresses over the next few days. The staff has still be great with us, and we're so grateful."

still waiting and praying.

Words from Kelly's heart to invite us to BOLD prayers of healing over Charli this week!

"Still waiting and praying. I had a good play date with my girl today. She was doing well. Still off oxygen and has been doing well on the feeds she is allowed to have. I was able to bottle feed her today and she did great. We have been discussing things with her Doctors and nurses. We will have a family meeting with them on Tuesday. I will be spending the day with Charli that day so I am HOPING it's a sweet time.

I would love for everyone to partner with me as I ask the Lord to work supernaturally. We are on the brink of having to do a GI tube for Charli's feeds so that she can come home. The would do a surgery that would allow a different type of tube feedings that we could administer from home. We clearly want her to eat on her own but we are more interested in her homecoming at this point. So...basically, I have been asking the Lord to do what only HE can and allow her to take all feeds and full feeds by mouth so that we don't have to do the surgery. I want the Lord to enable her to eat on her own. I would love for Him to surprise all the dr's, nurses, and even my own heart. I would be blessed by the prayers of our blog family as well. Either way we just want her home. My heart longed for that more than ever today as I kissed her little face off and rocked her in my arms. So ready for her change of address. Praying! Praying! Praying! In one of her pics it looks like she is too."

THANK YOU FOR PRAYING!!!

On Wednesday afternoon we had this update.... "Charli is 7 lbs 15 oz.

not much new... still on oxygen. hope to meet with doctor and staff next week to discuss their plans for Charli.

the kids got to see Charli again today. still not allowed to touch her. our precious Candy is back. it was a sweet gift."

and as of this morning, Thursday, Charli was off oxygen for 4 hours and now weighs
8 POUNDS!!!!

asking God.

Please be in prayer for Charli who has been back on oxygen all day. Adam shared that this has been a discouragement for the Vaughan family.

Thank you for waiting and wondering and walking by faith alongside this family.

smiling.

New updates and prayers for Charli shared from Adam.....

"Charli did very well on the eye exam. Her eyes have matured. She won’t need another eye exam until she is 1 year old!

She made good progress in her swallow study. The speech pathologist will recommend that they start giving her partial feeds through the bottle. They’ll be a little more strategic about counting how many times she sucks and then giving her a break. If she does well, they’ll gradually increase her oral feeding part by 5 cc. They’ll also have rice cereal in her milk to thicken it. Lord-willing, this will help her get it into her belly instead of her lungs.

We are still needing her to be able to take her bottles better. WE are wanting her to come home, but there's still no talk of when that might happen. she looks good though."

On Monday night Adam shared these new celebrations and new prayer requests!


"please be praying for baby Char Char! first off, she's still off the oxygen!!! so grateful! it was so fun to hear her cranky cries today. she hasn't been strong enough to do that in the past.

Charli will have a rough day tomorrow (tuesday)... another swallow study and an eye exam. neither of these are much fun. please pray!"

deliver us.

Adam shares....
"As I read this passage tonight, I felt like Paul's words could be my own words written to the body of believers who have supported us. I put "in the province of Asia" in parentheses b/c that was the only part that didn't seem to fit exactly.

2 Corinthians
We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered (in the province of Asia). We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many."

Celebration and Worship!

What a special afternoon to hear the heart of Kelly & Adam Vaughan and to celebrate and remember the way God has walked with them in growing their FAITH over the last 15 weeks and beyond!

I needed to make a change to the background of Charli's blog - sorry if you tried to read it and could not see the white writing. I will be doing some adjustments but keep reading! Her story is so valuable to the KING of KINGS!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all you are doing as intercessors for this precious little girl and this family!

40 weeks

As we continue to journey with Charli and her precious family, we can stand in awe of where she is today - and also continue to pray for the Vaughans as they grieve the loss of Lincoln and Tucker. All 3 of the babies had a due date of today. Our God is a God who hears our cries and sets our feet upon the ROCK of who He is in the midst of every storm. (Psalm 40)

Adam shares, "Well, Charli is 40 weeks gestationally today. It’s her official due date.

She’s supposed to be seen by an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist some time… not sure when. It’s tricky b/c it has to happen before or after his regular work hours. We’re curious to hear the results of that.

Two nights ago Charli broke the 7 lb mark… she’s actually up to 7 lbs. 1 oz now."

Come Celebrate the Birth of Charli Vaughan - You are Invited!

The Vaughan family want to make sure that all you intercessors and blog readers know about a Shower to CELEBRATE Charli - here are the details:

Sunday, July 25 at 4pm
Fellowship Church Middle School Room

One of the amazing ways that we as a praying BODY can support the Vaughan family and Charli coming home (so so soon, Lord willing) is that the supplements that Charli will be needing are very expensive and can be purchased at Target - so Target giftcards are greatly appreciated. These could even be sent as a gift if you cannot be in attendance at the shower! If you do not have the Vaughans mailing address, email me (Lea Kelly) at rememberingone@comcast.net and I will send it to you!

Thank you for your continued and prayerful anticipation of God's great works in this family and precious little girl!

A HELPFUL REMINDER - As summer rolls to an end, Kelly will be preparing not only for Charli to join the family at home, but also for homeschooling full time. So many people have helped to prepare meals for the Vaughan family and this is still a need! Please go to address below for the instructions, dates, and sign ups! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
(COPY AND PASTE IN YOUR BROWSER)
http://www.foodtidings.com/SignUp.aspx?ScheduleGuid=89ad4102-f756-42f6-bbda-ae55c9c3d2a7

Celebrating 40 weeks gestationally!

What a beautiful face! What a JOY to continue to celebrate what God is doing in and around Charli!

Adam shares more prayer requests with us all:
"I think there was some disagreement between the speech pathologist and the doctor about what would be best for Charli. They stopped all oral feedings for 48 hours, but then the nurse practitioner placed the order for her to receive 5 cc(s) of breastmilk with rice cereal in it (to thicken it so she might send it to her belly instead of her lungs). Unfortunately, she had been sending much milk into her lungs. This is especially bad since she has chronic lung disease. She is offered the 5 cc mixture twice a day. To gain a perspective on how much that is, it takes 30 cc to make 1 ounce! Keep praying for her swallowing and breathing!

On a positive note, she is now 6 pounds, 12 ounces! This Thursday will make 40 weeks gestationally! Pretty crazy, huh? Char Char will be 15 weeks on on Wednesday."

keep on asking.

As Charli continues to grow, there are still things to ask God about when we are thinking about her and her family. Here are specific requests from Adam for today:

"Well, Charli is up to 6 pounds 7.6 ounces today. We did get some bad news. The doctor changed his orders. Charli will not be receiving any bottle feeds (looks like it’ll be for 2 weeks). She continues to aspirate (meaning that the milk is going into her lungs, and she’s already got major lung issues). Lord-willing, she’ll mature in the next few weeks and be able to start taking a bottle. One of the conditions she must meet to come home is to be able to take all of her feedings on her own. They’ll do another swallow study before they give her the bottle.

Good news – she passed a hearing test this week (this is the first time!). There will be follow-up tests, but that was a really positive thing. In addition, her eyes looked a little better again.

That’s it for now. Still needing prayer!"

growing!

I have had the JOY of serving with my family in Wallington, England, for the last 25 days and now I am home to Knoxville and CELEBRATING the Growth of Charli Rease while I have been "across the pond"!! Adam shares things that are answers to prayer and things to keep talking to God about!!!

"Few new things... Char Char is 6 lbs. 6.4 oz!

She had improvement on her eye exam today, and she passed her hearing test today! Her last hearing test resulted in a failing score. She'll need more hearing tests, but we're so grateful for better results!

Tomorrow she's having a "Swallow Study." She'll swallow barium, and they'll monitor how she does with it. I think they want to see if it's going in her lungs, if the viscosity of the liquid is playing a factor, if reflux if playing a factor, etc. "

stories of grace!

Daddy Adam shares about these photos and other prayer requests....one pic is when Charli finished a whole bottle for our precious nurse, Candy. she's become more of a family figure than anything.
the other pic is to show how Charli's nasal canula (breathing help) keeps falling out. Charli seems to do okay with it falling out, but she just can't seem to handle not wearing it. it's really weird.

few prayer things and updates...
Charli had her blood gas checked today. they measure CO2 levels in her blood, and it wasn't very good. looks like she will continue to need oxygen. we're really hoping she can be off of this by the time she comes home. seems she needs it most during feeding attempts.

the doctor today told me that Charli's blood pressure is slightly high. they ran some tests today, but we won't know the results for about a week.

last night Charli lost 36 grams. it's not a major deal. they had given her some medicine to flush out system, but she's just a little under 5 1/2 pounds. she looks great!


Below is a message from Kelly. I know at first glance it looks a little long, but if you're able I'd love for you to catch a glimpse of her heart.

Just a few thoughts.
I wanted to share a little of where my heart has been the past few months and where it is today. Being pregnant with triplets and all that has come after has been the hardest season of my life. I still feel like my life has been a total blur. I think in the midst of everything I am thankful for many things one being that Adam and I felt 100% like the Lord called us to become pregnant after Elliott. We thought we were done, but after much praying we were in agreement that we felt like the Lord was calling us to have more children. I never would have guessed that He meant 3 at a time. The pregnancy was a blessing... the triplet part was a shock. One that has forever affected my heart. I have always thought of myself as being pretty strong physically. Being pregnant with 3 babies really showed me that I am breakable and more needy that I would have ever dreamed. Little did I know that was just the beginning of learning a lot of new things about myself. I knew I was a wreck before all this happened, but now I am on a whole new level.
This season has been one of great wrestling. It has been one of learning. It has been one of deep sorrow. It has been one of joy and peace. I am having to see the Lord and His works in new ways. I am slowly having to learn how to have hope again. This will be a long and hard process, I'm afraid. I wish by this stage of my life I would have it more together, but I think I am more lost than ever and I am ok with that.
I am blessed that it seems like the Lord will allow us to take Charli home someday soon. There were many days that I thought I would lose all 3 of our precious ones. I am so very grateful that this is not the case. We have celebrated every victory that our little princess has conquered and suffered alongside her when she was suffering. This too has been so challanging. It has taken more strength than I physically had. I have had to rely on so many of you for prayers, strength and help that I will never be able to repay. Again, a very hard thing for me. Having a little one in the NICU for 3 months has been hard and has left some gaps in regards to bonding. I feel so much love for this little one, yet I feel like I don't know her at all. Sometimes I am tempted to belive the lies that I have and am failing. I hate this feeling. I hate it even more when I choose to believe what I know is not true. I feel so inadequate. So helpless. You would think after having 3 other kids that this wouldn't be that hard. I will tell you that I have no idea what I am doing. I am having to learn how to do everything a new way and wrestle with the fact that mommy's don't always know best.
As we continue to walk this road I want you to know how much I love and appreciate all of you. I have hated being in a place of such neediness. I have also struggled with not being able to thank everyone properly and promptly. I hope you know how much our family has been blessed by the helping hands of our brothers and sisters. The meals, childcare, housework, yardwork, gardening, kindness, encouragement and prayers have astounded us. It has left me overjoyed and uncomfortable at the same time. I think I am more comfortable appearing like I can handle life. I have quickly learned that I can handle nothing on my own apart from Christ and His body. Again, this is a big struggle but slowly I am learning. I am having to rest in the fact that I can't properly thank any of you. I will simply have to rest in the fact that We serve an awesome God and He will return the blessing upon all of you and I pray that it is a double serving.
Lastly, I wanted to request that you join me in prayer on a few specifics. Charli is still struggling with eating from a bottle and she still has a ways to go on her breathing. None of these things are big for our God but they discourage my heart on a day to day basis. One of Charli's sweet nurses Candy is having some medical procedures and will no longer be able to care for Charli after the 19th of this month. We are asking the Lord to give Charli what she needs to eat and breathe so she can come home before Sweet Candy's surgery. We are also asking for protection over Candy, skill for her doctors, good news and a quick recovery. I would also ask that you pray that my heart would connect quickly with our littlest one. My heart has been so crazy along with my life. I feel like I haven't done anything well lately. I do want to be a good mommy to Charli and my precious other 3. I am longing for the Lord to be mightily at work within my raggedy self. I want to see the Spirit move. I want to be amazed at what He can do through me and I want to be faithful to teach my childrent that with Christ we can always have hope no matter what our circumstances are. Would you be willing to pray these things with me and over me and my family.
I love you all and recognize that Charli is not just our child but she has been entrusted to all of us. Thank you for loving her, for praying for her, and continuing to care for all of us. I wish you knew how much it meant to all of our hearts.
Resting in His power being made perfect in all of my weaknesses.
On behalf of Charli, Lincoln, Tucker and the rest of our family we thank you.

praying.

What a gift to continue to pray for the Vaughan family and especially Charli. Here are words from Adam today!

"I think there's been a little confusion. Charli is doing well, but there are still many hurdles. They are "trying" to get her to take a bottle. She eats 8 times a day, and they've been trying the bottle since last Saturday. I guess that makes 7 full days as of tonight, and she's only taken the whole bottle 3 times (out of 56 feedings). It's extremely scary when she does get the bottle b/c her heart rate often drops so low... always frightening. Her little body just isn't ready to do it as well as we'd hoped, but we're very optimistic. Being able to eat on her own is one major hurdle she must master before coming home (not to mention the elimination of heart rate and saturation level drops).

On a very positive side, the eye doctor performs an exam every week on Charli. Because of the extended exposure to oxygen, the blood vessels in her eyes are at great risk of serious damage. The reports have confirmed gradual worsening of her eyes until this week. On Tuesday we got the first positive report. She had actually improved slightly! We're so grateful for that good news. The doctor felt very Charli being able to recover on her own, Lord-willing.

Charli's nearly 5 1/2 pounds now! She's such a beautiful little thing!

Much love and appreciation to our larger family out there... thank you for the way you have so richly blessed my family!"

Helping hands.

During the months of April, May, and June it has been such a gift for my heart to be writing this blog and sharing updates and ways to intercede for Charli and the rest of the Vaughan family. As we continue to think about the ways we can assist the Vaughans during this time of waiting and watching they have shared with me that meals being provided for their family has been a huge and practical blessing! Many helping hands and hearts are needed in these days when Kelly & Adam are at the hospital much more with Charli and hopeful and prayerful about her homecoming to be with the rest of her family. The link below is available to guide you if you are led to help with this need.
lots. (copy and paste in your browser)
http://www.foodtidings.com/SignUp.aspx?ScheduleGuid=89ad4102-f756-42f6-bbda-ae55c9c3d2a7

Thank you for all the ways you are being used by God to undergird this family during this season!
With joy, Lea

5 pounds!

Words this morning from Adam that are so exciting! "Charli hit the 5 lb mark last night!!!! Kelly has given them permission to give her a bottle (of breastmilk). Being able to eat on her own (breast or bottle) is one of the major hurdles she has to achieve before they’ll consider letting her go home. She has taken the whole bottle twice now. Other times she’s struggled or been uninterested. She’s still struggling with some reflux, but it’s still not bad enough for her to have prescription medicines to help. She is in the tiny crib that they updated her to. Her breathing is going very well. They’ve tried to take her completely off oxygen several times, but she’s not quite ready for that long-term; however, she is doing very well. She’s barely getting anything from it at all."

Another Milestone!

Excited about this new milestone that Kelly shares about!

"Last night Charli downed her full bottle in 20 minutes. She is totally a Vaughan. We can eat. She has done pretty well eating since then but gets a little tired out. We are so thankful for how well she has done since this is all new to her. A huge milestone. She is 4.13. Still praying she will breath strong."

Thank you, Lord, for your grace to Charli as you nourish her in so many ways!

words of sharing

So special to my heart while I am on mission in Wallington, England to share these words that Kelly shared today!
"I have a quick Charli update. After a rocky start to the week and 2 blood transfusions Charli is doing well. She is breathing better with less oxygen. They have moved her to and official crib and will start her on bottles of breast milk. She currently weighs 4.12. I am so thankful that she seemed much more like her normal, spunky self today. If she can learn to eat well and breath she can come home. I can hardly believe it."

Father's Day Blessings!

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for Adam and the Father that you are forming him into as He continues to cling to you and imitate the steps of Jesus who walks in agape love!
(1 Corinthians 13)

Kelly shares so many special "lovies" that have happened over the Father's day weekend! The Love of our KING is STRONG!

"I thought you might enjoying seeing our big girl in her new big girl bed.

I also included a picture of a dress that our sweet nurse, Candy made for Charli. She started making it when Charli was just two days old. I was overwhelmed by her talent, kindness, thoughtfulness and love for Charli. We are blessed."

Kelly also shared the super precious surprise that she arranged for Emmiline and Eloise. "I had Ms. Candy dress Charli in Emmiline's American girl doll ballet outfit. We didn't tell Emmiline. Both girls were thrilled as they saw their beautiful sister ready to dance. We are all so ready for her to come home and be a family. Eloise hasn't stopped talking about it.

Please pray for her lungs to grow stronger. We really want her to come home off oxygen. She still has fluctuations and she really needs to make some progress. We are still working on nursing. Please pray that she picks this up quickly."